God-Glimpse
I’ve stood here before sticking my toe in the cool lake, wondering if it was safe to take the plunge.
“The water’s perfect.” Jesus stands waist deep in the inviting pool. “Come in, daughter. You can trust Me.”
“I’ve tried this twice before, Lord,” I call back. “Why do I always retreat to the land?”
“Because you don’t trust Me. But each time you venture in your faith grows, doesn’t it?”
He’s right. I am at a different place than I was the last time, having come further in my love journey with God. I decide life in an unknown place would be better than the same old, same old.
Through the decades religious performance has been easy. Just give me the list and I’ll check it off. But not anymore. The reality of forty-six years of doing it this way has finally caught up with me. I’m plum tired and disallusioned. I want a party. I want a feast. I want the robe and the ring. Being the resentful older brother only made me bitter and I’m ready to switch places, minus the depravity the prodigal embraced. What does he have that I don’t? Relationship with the Father. Feelings of acceptance and love despite what he’s done. I want it all.
So my re-engagement with the Father began once again in late August, 2016. I began listening to every podcast message I could locate on the subject of “learning to live as a loved child of God.” I re-read He Loves Me, by Wayne Jacobsen, and dove into several of his online videos. I am hungry again, ready again, hopeful again.
After a few weeks of drinking this wine, things began to switch. Father indulged me with God-glimpses or splashes of living water that replenish my soul. Hence the name of this blog.
Trust me, I have a long way to go. As the rigid curtain of conformity is pulled back, He is behind the veil, smiling, the God whom I yearn for.
MY SATURDAY GLIMPSE
Two week’s into Wayne’s materials God showed up in a profound way at my
Weight Watchers® meeting giving me a tender "glimpse" behind a curtain I had so firmly tacked in place.
The saying goes, “desperate times call for desperate measures.” My situation felt desperate because my second daughter had just announced her engagement and like any M.O.B. (mother of the bride) deciding to get into a smaller dress size was critical. This would be my first day back after an extended absence between signing up and dropping out, feeling utterly defeated in between.
Gripping the steering wheel of my S.U.V., I prayed all the way there, “Please Father, show me if I should do this again. I am so sick of this journey and joining Weight Watchers® for the umpteenth time. I can't seem to do it. Bethany's* wedding is months away, please help me. Don't let this me another useless effort on my part...show me You are with me, please!!!"
On September 17th, of this year I plunked down a credit card and took another stab at membership. In 2016, Weight Watchers® recalculated their points system to what they now call SmartPoints®. Participants are encouraged to make better choices enhanced by healthier point values which for me, means much less sugar. Since I am a self-professed sugar addict, I could see that this new direction might make a change in my life.
Something wonderful happened at the meeting. I had what I call “A God Glimpse.” My Weight Watchers®’ leader, Theresa, delivered what should have been a typical talk on goal setting.
Though I've heard these "pep talks" before, I kept my ears tuned. I had just given Weight Watchers® a chunk of money and I decided I’d better get my nose to the grindstone and keep it there. Believe me, I could have shrugged my shoulders with indifference having heard this topic discussed in previous meetings but Theresa’s rhetoric captured me. In a very personal way, God used her to speak to me.
She asked us what reasonable changes we could make this week to get us on our way through the first 16 weeks of Weight Watchers®? In case you've never been a member, their little attendance books are always sixteen weeks long. Once a week you weigh in and get your book stamped. Sometimes you receive a way-to-go star or happy face, you know, like teachers use to do on your homework pages. Once you've gone through your first sixteen weeks, you get a new booklet. Unfortunately, I never last long enough for weeks 17 through 32.
Theresa instructed us to write goals in our activity book, encouraging us to imagine where we might be exactly sixteen weeks from today's meeting (9.17.16). We could include things like: tracking, exercising, drinking our water, that sort of thing. This would be our personal goal. There was no pressure to do what someone else was doing.
The God Glimpse
"I want you to consider where you will be on January 7, 2017 if you keep these goals," Theresa challenged all of us.
I knew exactly where I would be at that precise time and location!
"That's why I'm here," I interrupted her, my eyes began to well.
I feel much more at ease in front of a keyboard than a microphone but I couldn't help myself. God so completely showed up in the moment, commentary from me, his daughter, seemed necessary.
"That date is my daughter's wedding!" I continued. Theresa stopped and smiled and I don't think she was annoyed with me, as least I hope not. I shook my head and muttered a few times, "this is weird, this is weird..." I hadn’t expected God to answer my prayer so blatantly yet He did so by reminding me of Bethany’s wedding date, using my leader to do so. For me, this casual mention of an important life-event, probably for no one else in that room but me, was tantamount to the Father giving my hand a squeeze, assuring me He would walk with me on what has often been a frustrating journey.
*Bethany is my second daughter--I'm officially a M.O.B. for the 2nd time in my life.
UPDATE: January, 2018. The wedding was beautiful! I did not reach my weight goal but have shifted into different thinking. This is a journey I will take with God in His time and in His way. A year has passed and my precious daughter has given birth to a beautiful daughter the last day of 2017. Daisy Joy.
Karon Ruiz, Author of Grace In The Shadows